***
ANGEL OF MINE
Angel of mine hear my cry
Unearth my soul, tears are falling.
Angel of mine attend to my sigh
Hiding their faces clouds are crawling.
Angel of mine do not let me die
Teasing my thoughts rivers are flowing.
Angel of mine add to my time
Stars in the sky reaching us slowly.
Mindless thoughts’re eating my soul
Angel of mine do not let me fall.
In my broken heart winds are roaring
Angel of mine hear me calling.
In creeping negligence, feelings of fear
Angel of mine do not let them near.
When I sleep in the night, unaware of sins
Angel of mine cover me with your wings.
Setting my heart beat to The One Up High
Angel of mine –
HEAR MY CRY.
***
A Matter of Course
Life or death
For better, for worse.
What we have –
Is a matter of course.
Direction we choose,
Has its own force.
Accept or refuse?
Is a matter of course.
The message we give,
A powerful source.
Forget? Forgive?
That’s a matter of course.
Tell the truth or deceive,
To use right resource,
To stay or to leave –
Is a matter of course.
The choices we make,
Different angels endorse,
In life that we live
As a matter of course.
***
Let Me In.
Should you be lonely
And in need of a friend
I will open for you
All the Depths of the land.
Should you loose Faith
Dreading fall and defeat,
I’ll be the earth
under your feet.
Should you be confused,
Beaten down and sad,
I’ll be the sky
Over your head.
Should you be distorted,
Agitated, unpleased,
I’ll brush your hair
With a touch of a breeze.
When you’re tired and frightened,
Feeling depressed,
I will sing to you songs
In a rustling grass.
When you’re lost in the dark,
When you think you can’t win,
I’ll rise up the Son
To protect you from sin.
All I ask in return,
Being God, being King,
When I come to the doors of your heart –
Let Мe in.
***
The Royal Hunt.
Chased souls of men
Scattered in disarray –
The royal hunt
Is under way.
Those who’ve been tricked,
thought they could pay,
Bleeding in snow
They now lay.
Greyhounds of darkness’re
Feeding on their prey.
Prince of this world
Enjoys his day.
‘To hell with them!’
Their howling say,
They’re good for nothing,
They betray.’ (John 6:66)
Poor haunted souls,
They thought they’d get away
Playing along this life’s
Demonic play.
They have been damned,
By choice they make today.
They’re hunter’s joy –
In misery to stay.
Pray, dear people-
Choose wisely what you may,
The royal hunt
Is under way.
***
Dust to Dust
Matriculating in the past,
Continually failing present.
We are slowly turning into dust,
Intrigued by only what is pleasant.
What future holds in store for us
Is definite and set.
There is no use for human mass –
Be, afterwards, upset.
Our souls are getting compromised –
We God no longer trust.
Thus, hearts are letting Death come in,
Death turns them into dust.
***
Evil Whispers.
Life’s steady beat begins with God,
One may believe or not.
One has to like the art a lot,
To love dance of the heart.
We must maintain this Divine craft,
May it be easy or be hard
One has to like the art a lot,
To imitate this part.
If you successful in that –
Heart would be nice and hot.
One has to like the Art a lot
To draw the lucky card.
But if the Death outsmarts you,
And catches you off guard…
One has to like the art a lot –
Dance out of your heart.
The Cunning of the Devil.
Satan, in Aramaic literally – ‘opposer’, doesn’t just come out and say it. He, often times, starts with a true statement – to give his scheme more credibility. Then, he slowly starts to draw our attention from God to something else, like ‘art’, which, in itself is pretty good, but not necessarily God, and much more neutral.
Eventually, satan begins to show his own crafty ‘face’ though still imitating good values.
Our attention is fixed not on God, while some trait of a doubt is introduced – ‘if you successful,’ and even then – concentration is not on God but on one’s earthly values, ‘Heart would be nice and hot’. Again, concentration is drawn away from God, switched from ‘The Goal’ to ‘means’ (art of whatever, as long as it’s not God), and, at the same time, some supporting un-Godly ideas, such as ‘luck’ are introduced.
Finally, Death comes forward more real than ever and states: oh well, since it came to that, at least do it proudly – like a man, ‘dance out of your heart’
And then – you are it.
[37] Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
[38] This is the first and great commandment. (Matt 22:37-38)
[33] But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matt 6:33)
***
The Faithful Undead!
The Faithful Undead –
according to the lives they’ve lead,
Avanged with blood the King had shed,
And saved from condemnation with no end.
The Faithful Undead –
with tears of redemption their voices heard from all-night stand.
The debt to death trully’ve been met.
Rejoyce The Saved,
The Faithful,
Undead!
***
CHOOSE THE POWER OF SILENCE BEHOLD
Sometimes it’s hot; sometimes it’s cold
Eyes of the child reunites with that of old.
It flows in rivers, shines in stars,
Along with fellow time it heals the scars.
It dwells in hearts and shapes the wisdom,
Twins with eternity, a mystery of future Kingdom.
Well known throughout the history to every nation,
It’s silent features neatly woven to the pattern of creation.
Has many colors and presents itself in many different shapes.
A touch of it forever alters, fascinates.
Sometimes it falls on you and crash,
Sometimes it lifts you up to Heaven.
Friend or an enemy, a killer or a healer
One better deal with it
It’s real and it’s here.
It has its own unique degree, it’s angle crucial… oh, dear.
It scares and it soothes,
Condemns, forgives, hates, loves, agrees, or disapproves.
Makes foolish fall asleep. If you ignore it you will lose.
Divides between the Good and evil
BEHOLD THE POWER OF SILENCE CHOOSE
***
MAESTRO
Maestro’s talent – to orchestrate the feelings,
His destiny is in revealing:
The notes of life, the notes of death…
To make me cry, to make me laugh…
What do you do? What do you mean?
– To heal the wound, to sting the dream?
To cool the souls, to make them hot.
Soften the hearts, or make them hard.
The art of making and destroying.
To be unique, to be annoying…
To know the strings of war and peace,
Inspire generations, Bring nations down to their knees…
Imagination,
Creativity,
The outstanding skill,
The sensitivity,
Majestic power,
Full of wit…
-Imagine One Who gives the gift!
***
Random Moments.
Random moments of our lives.
How important to realize,
Regardless of their weight or size,
They have the power to change and to surprise.
We have to learn to look beneath…
To see the inner meaning, to believe…
To know what they are bringing, or relieve…
To exercise the power of holding things, or give.
Devising their own play with pleasures and with torments
They are setting up the stage and carefully writing comments.
Whatever they let go – soul definitely gets.
The kings- the rulers of the day – the random moments.
***
Old Cemetery.
‘Give rest with the just,
o our Saviour, unto Thy servants’
Old cemetery, place of peace
Memorial of thoughts.
The sun is rising in the East
Revealing singing birds.
Old cemetery, place most people dread –
The altar to the past.
Yesterday’s beauty of the world
Is turning here to dust.
Old cemetery, ‘castle of the dead’
Of sleeping chambers lanes.
Those who have finished this life’s quest,
Are welcome here to rest.
Old cemetery, place of peace
Of guardian angels rows.
The Son is rising in the East
Revealing singing souls.
***
VANITY
‘The LORD knoweth the thoughts of man, that they are vanity.’ (Pss. 94:11).
The classical scenario,
Worldwide dramatic play.
The ‘vanity of vanities’
Ecclesiast would say.
Most valuable possessions
Are turned into degree
To measure the obsession
Of popularity.
The sacrifice of manners,
The sacrifice of time,
The sacrifice of souls –
Are brought into its shrine.
Some actors from its cast
Are playing parts of greed.
A lot of good intentions
Are trapped under its feet.
The leading role, of course,
performed by ancient pride,
The culminating point
Is when it wouldn’t hide.
The end of play is famous:
Death in a final scene.
The ‘vanity of vanities’
The devil’s favorite sin.
‘Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken Thou me in Thy way. (Pss. 119:37).
***
OLD LADY TIREDNESS.
Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak. (Mark 14:38)
Old lady tiredness is working on my tired mood.
Old lady tiredness is binding my every tired move.
Old lady tiredness follows me throughout the tired day.
Old lady tiredness never retires away.
Old lady tiredness is humming quiet tired tunes.
Old lady tiredness her tired eyes – two tired moons.
Old lady tiredness with long and skinny tired hands,
Old lady tiredness repaints loud noises into silence.
Old lady tiredness is closing up my tired eyes,
Old lady tiredness is shooting me with tired lies.
Old lady tiredness breaks up my body into many heavy tired parts.
Old lady tiredness throws at me a thousand of yawns.
Old lady tiredness is carrying her tiring aromas in her tired bag.
Old lady tiredness has built her tired throne over my tired bed.
Old lady tiredness using her long and tired hair,
Old lady tiredness has spread a lot of tired snares everywhere.
Old lady tiredness is wearing her tired shoes on tired feet.
Old lady tiredness is putting me to sleep.
Old lady tiredness in deep blue tired dress,
Old lady tiredness leaves my house in a mess.
Old lady tiredness the youngest sister of the death.
Old lady tiredness is battling my health.
Old lady tiredness collecting tired people’s wealth,
Old lady tiredness enjoys her very very tired self.
Old lady tiredness her tired majesty reigns over tired all,
Old lady tiredness our tired flesh is her control.
Old lady tiredness our restless spirit is her fall.
Old lady tiredness ‘s too tired for my ever-waking soul.
Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak. (Mark 14:38.)
***
Overtime
Overtime that pays in change…
Change of the character – revenge…
Revenge for who we are on stage…
The stage of life… isn’t this strange?
Strange turn of ‘fate’ to wage…
Wage us in full when old in age…
In age to be, to fly, to change…
***
A Poet.
‘So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him.’ (Genesis 1:27.)
Thus –
Day by day,
Night by night –
I am a simple person,
Nothing unusual in sight.
But, once I take my pen,
I turn into a different man.
The man I hardly know now,
The man I didn’t know then.
I walk through castles, walk through shrines,
All that I see – I put in lines.
I fly through time and different places,
See many lives, great many faces.
All good intentions, cruel plots,
Forgotten feelings, and lost hearts.
The underground world of dark,
The gates of hell with open lock.
Souls of slayed
Women and men –
Crying to God
‘To avenge… them.’
Angels of Heaven
Ready to fight,
Waiting for sign
From Omnipotent Light.
An army of demons
Bending verses
Into a form of
Fine new curses…
…poets of God
Them opposing –
With Holy Fire
Composing.
All this I see,
All this I feel,
And writing down –
To reveal.
Thus, day by day,
Thus, night by night…
As ‘…in the image of God created He him.’ (Genesis 1:27.)
***
Violin!
‘In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.’ (Pss. 18:6)
Divine sounds of violin,
Penetrating my whole being.
In the world that’s dark and dim –
Violation from within.
Divine sounds of violin,
Cry of the soul that fights the sin.
Resonancing sky and wind,
Reasoning through everything.
Divine sounds of violin;
Of what will come,
Of what has been –
Singing in hymns,
The solo-queen.
Kin to eternity,
My twin.
‘Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD.
Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.’ (Pss. 130:1-2.)
***
Boy’s Dream
In the faraway village,
In the dark of the night,
Grandma read boy a story
Of the faraway Light.
Grandma sung him of times
With bad dragons, good knights;
And of his father’s sword,
With deep marks from the fights.
That his grandpa and brothers
Now live in his heart,
And, one day, Man will come
To slay prince of the dark.
Little boy’s heavy sleep
Will continue ‘till dawn.
He would hear drum’s beat,
And the call of the horn.
Crazy eyes of the horses
Splashed with blood of the men.
Lining up of armed forces,
And himself among them.
All the horsemen as one,
Life and death in each hand.
They are not coming home,
They will fight ‘till the end.
Death of honor – slain dragon…
Endless life, future’s land.
Boys’re receiving the crown,
Prince of darkness is dead.
Ever since the world started,
War is men’s blessed way.
We are leaving the ground,
We are not here to stay…
In the faraway village
In the dark of the night –
Grandma read boy a story
Of the faraway Light…
***
Day 8
May happiness come or go away.
Good health can leave, or it can stay.
Best friends protect you or betray…
Tomorrow is going to be another day.
Whatever ‘life’ would throw in your way:
To be a hunter or a prey,
Severe Winter, beautiful May…
Tomorrow is going to be another day.
Though it may never be the same,
The life of praise or… life of shame,
Old boring game or… whole new play…
Tomorrow is going to be another day.
All that your ‘fate’ on you may claim:
That you are strong, that you are lame…
Regardless of what other people say…
Tomorrow is going to be another day.
‘for there shall be no night there’ (Revelation 21:25).
***
BOOK OF DREAMS. (From ‘Disputes of the Fall’)
‘Why sleep ye? rise and pray, lest ye enter into temptation.’ (Luke 22:46)
The frontier of the Unseen Warfare is the life saving art of cutting off tempting thoughts!
I
Once, in a weary of my whims,
I stumbled over Book of Dreams.
Its context – not quite what it seems,
With lively pictures, pathway-themes.
I looked at it; it looked at me,
I wiped my eyebrows silently.
I shook my head in disbelieve,
And heard the words: ‘Don’t leave, don’t leave.’
I heard the words: ‘Let’s see, let’s see.’
And felt the silent urgency
To open it and read it through,
And heard the words: ‘It’s true, it’s true.’
II
Outside the night descended steadily.
Stars in the sky ascended readily.
Inside my head thoughts flew in a hopeless rush,
And soothing veil of words: ‘Hush, hush.’
I took the book in my both hands,
And felt its grip on me.
The stories of all times and lands,
And words: ‘Let’s flee, let’s flee.’
I opened slightly the first page,
And peeked in over edge.
I saw a beautifully written line,
It said: ‘You’re mine, you’re mine.’
And thus the story has begun
Of journeys endless run.
When I would close my book and sigh,
It would reply: ‘Goodbye, goodbye.’
III
Then, day would have its steady way
Of moving things around,
But, in the night I’d stay up late,
Away from earthly ground.
The Book of Dreams with pages-wings,
In gloomy room of mine,
Would wash my face with wonder-winds,
And say: ‘It’s time, it’s time.’
Thus,
‘Everything that is not offered to God – is taken by Satan’ (Elder Joseph Hesichast from the Holy Mountain.)
***
Flickery Light
‘Ye are the light of the world.
A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
Neither do men light a candle,
and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick;
and it giveth light unto all that are in the house’ Matthew 5:14-15.
Flickery light
The dance in my sight,
Wavy and bright
It shines in the night.
It flows through air
Amusing, unaware
Of darkness around
Flickering, proud.
It’s duty and fate
Clear and straight:
To live in the night
And share the light.
To shed the insight
Of Life and might,
Of the Fire above,
And the power of Love.
***
Disputes of the Fall continued – ‘A Predator’.
IV
Each day is only once and gone
Each man would only certainly live once and only.
Thinking of Earth under the Sun
I suddenly felt hurt and lonely.
Walking down the road that I know
With the clouds above that followed me.
I observed little kids playing in being adults
And a crow aside… that frowned at me,
‘Come, you’re on of us,’
A creature’s smile appeared slowly,
‘Do not deceive yourself. I see it in your eyes.
You know me.
I saw the way you danced, when being just a kid.
Shall we?
I heard the way your heart pumps when you read –
The dare in the way you do it…
The way you hate to hear me talk –
Elite!
What can I say? You are one of us –
A predator… one of the finest breed!
A predator –
A simple steady way you turn your head…
I see pursuit, feel agitation of a midnight race ahead!
A predator –
An ever slowly, calm way you close your eyes…
I feel the taste of blood, and of a brand new hero rise!
A predator –
The way you look, while sitting still,
At rising sun over the hill!
A predator –
A heavy noisy way you’re letting air off your lungs…
The love for wailing winds, unlike all other human sons!
A predator –
An aching pulse in overpowered muscles
Right after feeding on live food in hunted castles!
A predator –
The love for sense of thrill in failure to obey God’s will –
An outstanding of a winner taste
– A kill!
You are following God’s will,’ continued he, ‘in vain.
It is unnatural to humans, hurts! It brings up pain!
In doing so tomorrow – you will fail again!
Excuse yourself before you’ll go insane.
I want to help you being on your own.
You have the needed power, the strength –
Do not postpone!
Why waste your precious time?
Don’t be afraid. Go on!
You’ll see how good it feels
To seat upon the throne!’
V
‘People live and people die
Follow me fly through the sky!
Raise up your hands. Do not be shy.
You won’t be stricken down. Try!
There is no power in ancient curse!
Don’t ever hesitate in what is yours!
The Bible… is a well-put lie!
Well! Look at me!
I am taking what is mine!
The life is long…
And God, He doesn’t care!
Why being pushed around for so long?
Why living in despair?’
You know, you owe it to yourself –
Don’t be ashamed of being born!
Get rid of guilt for breathing air!’
VI
Each day is only once and gone.
Each man would certainly live once and only.
In order to secure my fair trial,
My Guardian Angel interfered solemnly,
‘Sometimes it’s day, sometimes it’s night –
The worldly order goes.
The way of death is not the way of Life,
But of a total loss.
Look for example at your shadow
Crouching along the wall…
The one that’s always dark and scary,
The one that’s always in the process of the fall!
It’s blank expression – eager to cooperate
And ugly open mouth – ready to debate!
The way it always looks at you,
As if in searching for an answer,
But when the Sun/Son is right above –
It hides inside of you!
Just like a deadly cancer!’
VII
Look at these lines and read them through,
Think for yourself whether it’s true…
***
DISPUTES OF THE FALL
I
LOOK
Look at these lines and read them through
Think for yourself whether it’s true.
Look at these lines and see through them
What happens now? What’s going to happen then?
Look at these lines – read in between
What of the world left unseen?
Look through the pressure of the years
Of those who lived through pain and tears.
Look at the way the dark sky clears
When blood’s been shed and death appears.
Look at the motion of the sea
When moon is up for wolfs to plea.
Look at the way how small bird fly
When storm is near but the wind still shy.
Look at the language of emotions dear
When words unsaid, your eye can hear.
Look for the meaning and the sign…
Until the end of time.
II
Once, in the darkness
Of abandoned golden shaft,
Two fallen angels were disputing methods
Of their ancient craft.
One, relatively small
With moving lips and dancing eyes.
The other one was bigger
With the look that turns to ice.
The ‘moving lips’
Was eager talking,
The bigger one
Calm and precise.
Their conversation,
Rather shocking,
Is hard to fit
into these lines:
‘I want them dead! I want them rotten!’
– You have to patient be and wise
‘I want the ways of God – forgotten!’
– You have to use Light as disguise.
‘My way is proven, I kill often!’
– You kill by one, but I condemn by nation size.
‘You are slow! Attend one person all his life!?’
– Look through his writing, he’ll kill more people being dead, than you alive.’
‘And those who align themselves with God’s strong side?!’
– Teach them self-confidence, then, drown them in pride.
‘And those who naturally love and not afraid to die?’
– Change love to humanism… and hide.
‘And those who say that God is one, and there is a Heaven place?’
– Confirm as true, then, make believe that to Him lead great many ways.
‘And those who read the Bible day and night?’
– Play wrong interpretation, then, logical depression, suicide.
‘And those who’re liked and helpful to people? Do you hear?’
– So, what’s the difference between him and… wooden chair?
‘OK… Get this one:
Sees the meaning of the Bible, ascetic life, knows all lies, attends the church, and very very wise?’
– Oh, you don’t say that we are otherwise?
Then, there fell a deadly silence
Onto forgotten golden mine.
When you have read or heard these lines –
pray for your souls,
Your souls… and mine.
Look at these lines and read them through
Think for yourself whether it’s true…
***
Let You Be!
Let your days be clear and bright
And your ways sincere and right.
Let your head and heart unite –
Feelings and thoughts must never fight!
Let your nights be quiet and calm
with your dreams in God’s realm.
Let your ‘fate’ confirm to Life
and your prayer spring up and thrive!
Let your friends be strong and fair…
Not being afraid to try… to dare.
All your enemies to flee
Let you be, let you be!
Amen.
***
Glory be to God!
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1 Thes. 5:18
Glory be to God
For the life I live
For the gift I got…
For the living heart
And eternal soul
Glory be to God!
Promise that I have –
Glory be to God –
Life on His behalf!
Glory be to God –
Crucified and cut
On His throne He sat!
By His Holy Blood
Saved my sinful soul –
Glory be to God!
Glory be to God –
For the Life I live,
For the Gift I got!
Amen!
***
Simple Magic
‘Behold, the kingdom of God is within you.’
Luke 17:21.
Deathly assemblance of flesh and bones
Ruling over the air and stones…
Reigning over the oceans and stars,
A simple magic that breathes in us.
A simple magic of the timeless nature,
Calls us into existence and adventure
Ignites our hearts with sparks of wisdom
Enliving lives with sense of sweet home.
It teaches birds to sing and fly,
Beautiful children laugh and cry,
The Sun, the Moon – to change their places,
Roses in bloom to show their faces.
Makes sure our ways are safe and clear,
Controls the sways of shameful fear.
Knows ways throughout all snares of logic,
Nothing unusual… a simple magic!
Deathly assemblance of flesh and bones
Walking through the air and stones…
***
The Airborne!
‘John answered, saying unto them all, I indeed baptize you with water; but one mightier than I cometh, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to unloose: He shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire’ (Luke 3:16)
‘I am come to send fire on the earth’ (Luke 12:49).
And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire…’ (Acts 2:1-3).
People ask me sometimes, ‘why do you like to go on pilgrimages to different monasteries?’
And last week on the way to st. Herman of Alaska monastery in Platina, CA I thought/felt… The Airborne!
Noise of thunders,
Voice that hungers
For the song
That carries on.
Fits of desire
For the Fire –
Life and death
In themselves have.
Sense of longing
And belonging
To the storm
Of finest form.
Infinite rise
Inviting, wise
Nothing to mourn –
The airborne!
[14] And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God;
[15] I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. [16] So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. (Rev. 3:14-16).
On the way to Platina, CA…
***
Hell Tour
‘The way of life is above to the wise,
that he may depart from hell beneath.’
(Prov. 15:24)
Welcome to the underground world of hell,
Please, follow me, don’t mind the smell.
I’ll lead your tour, just for today,
Unless, of course, you want to stay.
Hold to your life, control your fear,
Though, few of you may… disappear.
Remember what you see, or feel,
And, I’ll make sure that you will.
Comments or questions? No? Let’s proceed:
First stop is Chamber of the Greed!
I have to caution you to stay away from it
In all its sees – it plants its seed.
All that it sees – it ‘truly’ needs,
It lives to get – on things it feeds.
It’s, actually, close to a disease
Only it’s worse and can’t be cured with ease.
Please, check you ‘pockets’… oh, never mind.
Next stop is Chamber of the Pride!
It is the parent to all sins,
With her death started… hell begins.
Be extra careful, spread out wide.
If she would talk to you – don’t answer, hide.
Don’t try to argue, she is always right.
Before you know it – you will lose the fight.
Next is my favorite – the Chamber of Obsession!
It always plays the role of god clothed in aggression.
When can’t get anything it wants –
It follows you, or rather, haunts!
It binds your hands’n mind… enslaves your spirit.
One has to experience it to believe it!
Now, take any person next to you – drag him away.
We shall proceed on our way!
Next stop is Chamber of the Lust!
Please, everybody, moving fast.
I know, it is unbearable, but it’s ‘a must’
If you would not – I will consider you ‘the past.’
Of all the people that I knew or know
A very few haven’t been drowned in it’s flow.
A very few escaped the chains of luster.
The rest of us well-caught in this disaster.
Come now people, that’s enough.
We are going back, back up unto above
Above this world of dark, of hell.
Come, follow me, don’t mind the smell!
***
Hilt of My Cross!
‘Then said Jesus unto his disciples,
If any man will come after me,
let him deny himself,
and take up his cross,
and follow me.
(Matt. 16:24)
‘Know ye not,
that so many of us
as were baptized into Jesus Christ
were baptized into his death?
(Rom 6:3)
Hilt of the Cross
Chained to my neck.
With no remorse
This life I break.
Hilt of the sword
In my right hand.
From this dark world
I mine defend.
I am crossing out
Temptations and doubt,
And cut devil’s grin
I am here to win.
I bear my cross
For better, for worse
And bury my sin
New life to begin.
***
Echo, Echo
‘If any man offend not in word,
the same is a perfect man.’
(James 3:2)
Troubled echo on the ground
Recently was found, found
Message to us all to tell,
This is why I fell fell:
Echo’s following the sound
Repeating round after round.
All the words that’re sung or said
In a hurry spread, spread.
All the noise for what is worth
I am bringing forth, forth
Echoing against the sky
Sending it to fly, fly.
Echo this and echo that
People talk a lot, lot
Saying things that are important
And the things that’re not, not.
Don’t say words that you don’t mean.
Have a peace of mind. Mind?
Idle words and such, such.
Thank you very much, much.
‘If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.’ (James 3:2-13)
***
Forgotten Melody of War.
‘As for man, his days are as grass:
as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone;
and the place thereof shall know it no more.’
(Pss. 103:15-16).
It was before the end of time
Events were measured by the line.
I still remember some of that
My sight’s been blessed with what I got.
I lived like every human being,
Under the sky in God believing.
Under the sun I walked the Earth,
In mortal body from my birth.
Young fellow of sweet seventeen
I fought in battles for my king.
Fathered two daughters and one son…
Until the time when I was gone.
Until the day when I met her
On battle field amongst the roar.
She walked through weapons with no fear,
Beautiful lady was so dear.
The swords were pushing for my chest,
I knew them well, they were the best.
The best dream-weapons of the West.
I fought all day… I couldn’t rest.
With clouds red up high above
I felt her hands of soothing love.
Her gentle kiss took my last breath –
Beautiful lady was my Death.
We sat beside my broken body,
The war around raging, bloody.
With arms around my strong shoulders
She hummed the song for two of us.
The melody, the music of the long ago,
Sung in the way they did before.
Sung by the people that are nevermore,
Forgotten melody of war.
It was before the end of time
Events were measured by the line.
I still remember some of that
My sight’s been blessed with what I got.
‘But the mercy of the LORD
is from everlasting to everlasting
upon them that fear him,
and his righteousness
unto children’s children’
(Pss. 103:17).
***
Yourrrrsssssellllllffffffffffff!!!!!!!
After separation of Church and state High Self-Esteem, so heavily preached in our society today (schools, media, etc.), seems to be an alternative to In God We Trust. Unfortunately, not many see it that way. However, it is hard to imagine Humbleness, Humility and Obedience, taught in the Gospel, to be the fruits of high self-esteem.
It seems to be the same old temptation of an ancient serpent (Gen. 3:4-5)
Hang the cost
Enjoy the feeling.
Praise yourselffff
Yourssselllfff believe in.
Let your mind be wild and freeeee
Only fools are blind to seeee…
Only week need Father-figure
Who is wiser, stronger, biggerrrrr.
You are fine the way you arrrrre –
Stand on your ooownnn! Shine like a staaarrrr!
Hearken unto my appealll –
Pinch yourselfff, you must be reallll.
Your’re not a slave
Master your wealth.
Live your life,
Enjoooyyyy yourrrssselllllllllfffffffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***
NOTHING!
What is wrong with Atheism? – NOTHING!
‘NOTHING’ worries not even a little –
Having itself to worry about.
‘NOTHING’ has no doubts at all –
Having itself to doubt.
NOTHING’s feelings are stiff and numb –
Having itself to feel for.
‘NOTHING’ doesn’t really care for anyone –
Having itself to adore.
‘NOTHING’ isn’t loved by anybody –
Having itself to love.
‘NOTHING’ doesn’t owe anyone –
Having itself to owe.
‘NOTHING’ isn’t seeing anyone –
Having itself in sight.
‘NOTHING’ lives in a total darkness –
Having itself for Light.
‘NOTHING’ doesn’t get into fights –
Having itself for revenge.
‘NOTHING’ can’t change any of that –
Having itself to change.
People often times ask me: ‘why do I have to go to confession for? I’ve done NOTHING wrong!
Oh, no!
What’s wrong with me?
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with us?
NOTHING?
***
The Wall.
Fresh morning dew
Glistens to all –
I would be with You
But there is the wall.
I search every dream
Of my restless soul.
I know, it is You
But, I am hitting the wall.
I duel my mind,
But it wouldn’t fall.
The future is timed,
And strong is the wall.
Blue oceans are deep,
Dark mountains so tall,
I rrrace up the sky,
But hhhigh is the wall.
Fresh morning dew
Glistens to all…
***
Wake Up!
Wake up
Wake up
I am here
I am here.
Look up
Look up
No fear
No fear.
Be strong
You are strong
My dear
My dear.
Fight sin
Within
Sincerely
Sincere.
When fall
Don’t crawl –
Get up
Get up.
Your soul –
God’s soul
Wake up
Wake up.
***
‘An Apple Pie’
‘And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof,
then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods,
knowing good and evil.’
Genesis (3: 4-5)
My grandma always used to say,
‘What you have eaten makes your day.’
It took some time to comprehend,
To get the clue of what she meant.
As nights changed days of different seasons
I grew in strength to weigh the reasons.
To understand the sin of human sons,
To see through life and how it runs:
Forbidden fruit and serpent’s lie –
Are basic keys to why we die.
God’s broken rule, lost Paradise –
Why ‘apple pie’ does taste so nice.
Truth often comes as a surprise.
To be like God, one must be wise.
To recognize the devil in disguise,
To know the truth apart from lies.
My Grandma always used to say:
‘What you have eaten – makes your day…’
‘Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.’
(Matt 26:26-28)
***
The Killer’s Song (Disputes of the Fall)
(steps of self-destruction)
I’ll kill the time
I won’t comply.
I want my day
To go by-by!
I’ll kill some more,
I’ll do it right!
I want the night
Fly out of sight!
I’ll kill the front
And all the sides.
So that they won’t
Surround my rights!
I’ll kill the bottom
And the top.
Make first forgotten,
Latter – dropped!
I’ll kill the sound,
length, width, height –
Until the are
Nothing to fight!
And in the end
Myself I’ll kill.
I won’t betray
My deadly skill!
***
(Lost) God’s lam
As sure as I live,
My life is a retreat,
A silent get-a-way
From universal play.
As sure as I breathe,
I hide myself in grieve.
And, exercising prayer
Death in the eye I stare.
As sure as I die
My soul to God will fly,
And rest there on green pastures
Away from Earthly vast chores.
As sure as I am
Lost and confused God’s lam.
Believing to be found
And brought to Holy Ground.
***
Doomed (Disputes of the Fall)
I am watching you
Your every move.
With things you do
I got my prove.
For who you are,
And how you grew,
I knocked the star
That near flew.
Your every thought,
Hidden intention –
Inevitably brought
To my attention.
My records filled
With crooked deeds.
Your life is grilled,
Your future bleeds.
To my belief
Your case is done.
To my relieve
This time I won.
***
Memories
Falling rain
Brings again
Memories
Of my home.
Of the place
Of the days
Of my feeling’s
Storm.
Run away rainy day, run away.
of my heart lasting pain take away.
Wounded soul, please don’t call.
Run away. Lasting pain take away. Run away.
Sound of rain
Awakes again
Memories
Of my home.
Old friends’ faces
Rain retraces’n
Stirr of feelings
Storm.
Run away rainy day, run away.
of my heart lasting pain take away.
Wounded soul, please don’t call.
Run away. Lasting pain take away.
Run away.Run away.Run away.Run away.
***
Sleepless Nights
Sleepless nights
Of ever and ever.
Timeless heights
Of dreaming forever.
I wish I knew how I was wrong when I misunderstood Your song.
And now my breath escapes my soul, and I believe in timeless fall.
Sleeping ‘stars’
Are gleaming together.
Beaming lights
Of ever and ever.
They all have won, they all belong, they all have sung Your precious song.
And now my heart beat all alone, and I just stare at them ’till dawn.
Sleepless nights
Of ever and ever…
Sleepless nights
Of ever and ever…
Sleepless nights
Of ever and ever…
Dawn!
***
Wait for Me!
I’ll wash myself in morning rain
Off cruel jokes, off wasted pain,
Off blue misunderstanding flame.
I’ll wash myself in rain, of tears heavy rain.
Hey, life, wait for me.
For a single moment stop and see
I am waving my both hands to thee
Hey, life, wait for me… for a moment wait for me.
Hear this song. Stop. Don’t run.
Please, look at me. See what you’ve done:
I miss myself, I miss my sun…
Listen to me. Don’t run. Please look at me. Don’t run.
Hey, life, wait for me.
For a single moment stop and see
I am waving my both hands to thee
Hey, life, wait for me… Just for a moment wait for me.
I clothe myself in morning rain
To hide my tears, hide the pain.
And blue misunderstanding flame
Would stop in morning rain. I’ll clothe myself in rain.
Hey, Life, wait for me.
But for a moment moment stop and see,
I am waving my both hands to Thee
Why do You have to flee?
Why can’t You see – it is me?
Don’t run away from me.
I’ll wash myself in morning rain…
***
An Empty Town
An empty face,
An empty frown,
On empty train –
Rushes through town.
Nobody writes to me
Nobody I could see
In empty eyes
Are empty souls.
Emptiness cries
Emptiness calls.
Can anybody hear me?
Is anybody near me?
On empty streets
Parked empty cars.
On empty people
Empty scars.
Nobody talks to me
Nobody I could see
In empty buildings
Empty rooms
With empty windows
Gleaming glooms.
Can anybody hear me?
Is anybody near me?
In empty sky
Fly hollow birds.
With empty hearts
Emptiness flirts.
Nobody smiles at me
Nobody I could see
Empty children
Empty games.
Empty gods
With empty names.
Nobody calls to me
Nobody I could see
My empty face
Its empty frown
On empty train
Rushes through town.
Can anybody hear me?
Is anybody near me?
***
Rivers Full of Time
Rivers full of time
Flow in quiet rhyme
From the life of mine,
From the life of mine.
Waters crystal shine
From the perfect line
Of the life of mine,
Of the life of mine.
Oh, my own story moving on
Floating like a song
Vehement, true, strong.
Oh, my own river to the fore
Coming from before…
Horizon looks at me and smiles,
Miles after miles… miles after miles…
Oceans in your eyes
Rivers in disguise
They don’t realize…
Why don’t they realize?
The waves inside you rise,
They grow up in size,
They cry inside your eyes –
It’s your revenge and prize.
Oh, my own story moving on
Floating like a song
Vehement, true, strong.
Oh, my own river to the fore
Coming from before…
And then, He looks at me and smiles,
Miles after miles… miles after miles…
***
Out of Sight
Out of sight
Demons dancing
Birds are racing
Humans fencing
Out of sight.
Worlds are mixing
Twilight fixing
Worms are feasting
Out of sight.
Things are ‘talking’
Flees are joking
Clouds walking
Out of sight.
God is warning
Sun is burning
Earth is turning
Out of sight.
Life is ending
Death surrendering
Souls ascending
Out of sight!
Out of sight!
Out of sight!
Out of sight
Demons dancing
Birds are racing
Humans fancying
Out of sight.
Worlds are mixing
Twilight fixing
Worms are feasting
Out of sight…
Posted by Priest Andrey Kovalev at 10:39 PM
***
Casting Shadows
Dark thoughts
Project dark deeds.
Dark consciousness
With sorrows bleeds.
And in the light
Of shine and bright
One sees the site
Of shadow’s flight.
They fly and fall,
They dwell on ground.
The world of shadows
In light found.
The brighter is
The source of light –
The greater is
Of darkness bite.
And in the vastness
Of the night –
These shadow-creatures
Stand upright.
But in the sky
In God’s green meadows
People are free
Of casting shadows.
Free of the worry
Free of fright
Free in full glory
Of The Light.
***
Who Cares (Temptation)
Divine image –
Soul with no mark of time,
The heart hand-made, perfect design,
But all-too-human life of mine.
Maybe it’s air that I breathe –
That throws me into disbelieve.
Or, it’s the earth I walk upon –
Turns all my thoughts away from Throne.
Why, it’s got to be the sky:
It puts me down, makes me lie.
Or, wait, I know – it’s the ocean,
It drowns me in pride’s commotion.
But, what if it’s all me, my will,
It’s something I desired?
Something that God never designed –
My all-too-human set of mind.
***
Who Cares (Temptation)
Why worry?
Why hurry?
I don’t have to
Feel sorry!
Of any troubles,
Pain, or threat –
I don’t have to
Feel upset!
Misunderstanding
Or deliberate abuse?
I don’t have to
Seek excuse!
Bragging about…
Telling lies –
I don’t have to
Apologize!
Cursing somebody,
Being mad –
I don’t have to
Feel bad!
It’s all your problems,
Your affairs.
All I can tell you is –
Who Cares!!!
***
It’s Not Me.
My tired feet carrying me ahead.
Some quiet thoughts circulating in my head.
Shining innocence from the time I was born.
Intuitive reluctance to proceed if something wrong.
My restless heart hammering messages into my soul.
A pair of eyes to see ahead, so I won’t fall.
Two brothers-hands working together, feeling strong.
My agents-ears telling me what’s going on.
The sequence of events I am going through.
The people I am talking to.
In what and how I believe.
The air that I breathe.
In all I do, in all I say
One question leaves me in dismay,
‘If this all me, if this all I,
Then, how come I’m going to die?
***
Holy War.
‘For the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in Me. But that the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave Me commandment, even so I do. Arise, let us go hence.’ (John 14:30-31)
Fight, while your heart is hot,
Will is strong, leading your soul.
Masters, of this world of night,
Will learn once more, they are to fall!
Our lives are led by Spirit
Everlasting, Holy, Strong.
We are to live forever
In the Heavenly World of The Son!
Sound of trumpets, clear and loud,
Shaking the ends, the ends of the Earth.
God’s Holy vengeance, shaming the ground,
Letting the beast – get all he deserves!
Our lives are led by Spirit
Everlasting, Holy, Strong.
We are to live forever
In the Heavenly World of The Son!
Fight for your hearts – clean, shiny, and sound,
Claiming your strength in The Name of The Lord!
Two-edged sword is the Word of His mouth,
Holy War is the name of this world!
Our lives are led by Spirit
Everlasting, Holy, Strong.
We are to live forever
In the Heavenly World of The Son!
***
Find Yourself.
‘Let Thy will be done’
Find yourself,
Weigh your depth,
Study your ‘fate’
Before it’s too late.
Know your way,
Stay put, don’t sway.
The road ahead –
Has no end.
Mind your goal,
Stay tall.
Life is long –
Sing it like song*.
‘I believe in one God the Father Almighty
The *Poet of Heaven and Earth’
***
Rain.
Pondering all over God’s omnipotence,
Extinguishing sarcastic dry resistance,
Flexing its muscles, waking to existence,
Wetting the flanges of Earth’s proud persistence.
Returning tears back on heavy heads of men,
Amusing children playing in the sand,
Washing dirt from hills and off the roads,
Refreshing memories and tempting thoughts.
Singing lullabies to tired individuals,
Shooting mosquitoes down, usual procedures.
Chasing birds throughout the sky,
Giving birth to a brand new life.
***
State of Faith
Whatever happens in the world,
God is your Shepherd. Praise the Lord.
When you are young, when you are old,
Just do your best and praise the Lord.
When you are nervous, tired, bored,
Relax. God sees you. Praise the Lord.
When you are fought against, and no one says a word,
Remember, God has also been abandoned. Praise the Lord.
When you fall down, wounded, hurt, get up; pick up your sword.
God counts all your bruises. Praise the Lord.
When death is near, life is playing last accord,
Rejoice in faith and have no fear. Praise the Lord.
***
Dear God
Dear God
Come to my side.
Dear God
Forgive my pride.
Let my life
Be calm and free,
Free of sin
Eternally.
Dear God
I’ll stay by You.
Dear God
Let it come true.
Earthly blood
Hunts in my heart.
Make my faith
Be clear and hard.
Dear God
I’m calling you,
Count me
Among the few.
***
Standing Still.
‘By your patience
possess your souls.’
Luke 21:19
Rushing of the wind,
Crushing of the steel,
Swings of spoiled will –
I am standing still.
It doesn’t matter how I feel.
Through being healthy, being ill,
Beyond all kinds of ordeal –
I am myself. I am standing still.
God gave me life and heart of ‘steel,’
Eternal blessing by His final meal,
For those who died, for those who will,
Against all odds, I am standing still.
‘Fear ye not, stand still,
and see the salvation of the LORD’
(Exodus 14:13)
***
The Summer
Trinity nature of the summer:
June, July, and August
Port-rays the feature of the Father
Son and Holy Ghost.
The king of seasons, life of lives,
Beginning and the end.
It starts the circle with full thrive,
Ends – blossoming the land.
This is the secret of the Tree,
With fruits that made us wise.
This is the way our future be –
it’s heaven in disguise.
***
The Spring
The nature’s resurection
From the dead –
With gentle touch of sun/Son
Awakening of sleeping beauty from it’s bed.
The death has lost
Again.
And only color of the sky
Will always stay the same.
The father-sky
True to itself,
Port-raying onto people
Inner wealth.
Returning birds
Back to their homes,
And reuniting life
With bare skin and bones.
Winter
Cold wind,
Fresh air,
Everything frozen
Everywhere.
Grand rehearsal
Of the death
When it battles
Life itself.
All that may be
All that may come…
Life will succeed
Will overcome.
Throughout all of God’s
Terrain
Will bring the Spring
Times and again!
The Fall
In full abundance of the joy,
Earth moves away from Sun/Son.
Colors of l(L)ife’re dying away,
All happiness is gone.
World’s sharp turn and proud run
Would beat it’s feelings numb.
This crucifixion will go on
until the death will come.
Life will be buried under snow,
Guarded by soldier-wind.
On count of three the rise will grow
Of those who still believe.
The rise will grow and overthrow
Cold proudness of men.
And on a quiet April’s day
The Spring will come. Amen.
***
Expensive Emptiness
Guarding herself from the whole world,
And contemplating meanings of success,
Regarding only what is moving forward,
Is fancy, proud emptiness.
Advancing only if it pays,
Methodically calculating every step,
Considering her crooked ways,
And putting everyone to debt.
High walls surround her expensive place:
Everything clean, everything nice,
And not a sound heard for days –
Her name, her fate, her real price.
***
Atheist’s Logic (Never Mind)
Solid form,
Best design,
Perfect line…
Well… never mind.
Beautiful day –
Good sign.
Feeling fine,
Oh… never mind.
True friends,
Authentic wine,
Everything is set,
Ah… never mind.
All is well.
But, life of mine –
Why this notion of decline?
Oh… disregard that.
Never mind.
***
Depression
Day after day,
Round after round,
Depression is beating me
Against the ground.
So ever slowly
So ever loud,
Against the movement
Against the sound.
Under the surface
Of the sea
Of sinful world
So I won’t flee.
Against the air
Against the sky,
Until the moment
I can’t fly.
Against the Son
Against the Light,
So, I won’t have
‘Nough strength to fight.
Down by snow
Down by rain,
Until I can’t get up
Again.
Against the stars
That sharp in form,
To get me bruised,
To get me torn.
Against my loved ones
And my friends,
Until I disappear
With no memory, no ends.
Even full Moon
With steady run,
Continually mowing me
Into being gone.
If you see depression’s face,
When you see depression’s style,
Run for your life, my dear friend.
Run very fast. Run like a wild!
***
My Son’s Lolliby.
Sleep, my little baby, sleep,
The world is harsh and men are week.
Take courage, grow into being strong,
Don’t let them trick you into doing wrong.
Hush, my little baby, hush,
Great many lives are lost in a rush.
Take your time, consider your way,
There is no use into going astray.
Relax, my little baby; turn unto your side.
A lot of humans are betrayed by pride.
Take quiet humility to be your friend,
It will care for you all the way to the end.
Sleep, my little baby, sleep,
May your dreams be kind and sweet.
When you will wake up tomorrow, my son –
You will need a lot of new strength to go on.
***
The Race
The night is running after day,
The day runs after night.
The light is running after dark,
Darkness pursues the light.
The Sun is flying after Moon,
The Moon flies after Sun.
They won’t succeed any time soon,
Wouldn’t complete the run.
The very moment I was born,
I joined this life of race.
So I could fit, so I won’t fall
I kept the steady pace.
But, now question troubles me,
Don’t mean to fall into disgrace,
Life on the run – what does it mean?
Are not there other ways?
***
Night.
The midnight sky is not like any other skies,
It hides its face in beautiful disguise.
Mysteriously binds to itself a million of humans’ eyes,
Then stops the moment and treat stars with advice.
Old people say that there is a limit to what one does during the day.
The midnight sky would clear that and take the tiredness away.
With its dark robe it covers fields, forests, and rivers, nature’s whole arrays
Then rests them all on airy pillows and silently prays.
Morning may come only when night is done.
Wake up new life, new laughter, lots of son!
Yesterday’s worries, pain, and tears – they’re all gone!
By night the world is ready for another run!
‘What is the Divine Gloom?
TRIAD supernal, both super-God and super-good, Guardian of the Theosophy of Christian men, direct us aright to the super-unknown and super-brilliant and highest summit of the mystic Oracles, where the simple and absolute and changeless mysteries of theology lie hidden within the super-luminous gloom of the silence, revealing hidden things, which in its deepest darkness shines above the most super-brilliant, and in the altogether impalpable and invisible, fills to overflowing the eyeless minds with glories of surpassing beauty. This then be my prayer; but thou, O dear Timothy, by thy persistent commerce with the mystic visions, leave behind both sensible perceptions and intellectual efforts, and all objects of sense and intelligence, and all things not being and being, and be raised aloft unknowingly to the union, as far’ as attainable, with Him Who is above every essence and knowledge. For by the resistless and absolute ecstasy in all purity, from thyself and all, thou wilt be carried on high, to the superessential ray of the Divine darkness, when thou hast cast away all, and become free from all.’
– by Dionysius the Areopagite, The Mystical Theology.
***
Human Puppet
My hands are strapped
By Metal strings.
I am the puppet
Of the things.
Being a slave
To many idols,
I keep betraying,
Playing high roles.
I keep pretending
To be fine
Advancing my performance
In a lie.
My heart is trapped
In mental winds,
I am soul-father
To my sins.
When I am suffering
Or feeling pain –
I am not sure whether it’s me
Or something that I am playing.
I even turned my heart
To beat in a certain way.
Pray, when you see me –
Help me get away.
***
To a Newborn
Throughout the Earth
With humankind
For everything
There is first time:
First time to be
First time to see –
The rising Sun
And you are free.
First time to love.
First time to choose.
First time to win.
First time to loose.
First time to give
Or say, ‘it’s mine.’
First time to cry
And say, ‘I’m fine.’
First time to lie
Or say the truth.
First time to think
And make a move.
First time to will.
First time to feel.
First time to die.
First time to kill.
First time to fight
And learn your ‘fate.’
To be the hunter
Or the bait.
First time to run.
First time to chase.
To wash your hands (Matthew 27:24),
Or wash your face.
First time for everything
We do…
First time it’s Me (Rev 3:20).
First time it’s you (Gen 1:27).
***
Little Apple Seed.
(Sermon for children)
“Verily, verily, I say unto you,
Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die,
it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”
(John: 12, 24).
“Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
(John: 15:13).
Once, there was a Little Apple Seed. It lived with its brothers and sisters in a big round apple. This big round apple grew on a big apple tree in a beautiful garden near the pond.
One day an apple tree heard a Little Apple Seed ask his Mother Apple, ‘Mother, is it true what my brothers and sisters are saying?’
‘And what is this they are saying, my love?’ Asked Mother Apple.
They are saying that one day, we, small apple seeds will grow up to be big, strong, and beautiful apple trees.’
‘Yes,’ said mother apple, it is quite true.’
‘Well, what do I do to become as big and beautiful as the tree we are on?’
Mother Apple smiled and replied, ‘You have to be yourself, and you have to be strong. There will be days when you would feel sad, and there will be days when you would feel weak, and there will be days when you would feel strong. There will be days when you would see the sun, the moon, and stars. And there will be days when you would think that you’ll never see daylight anymore. But remember to be strong and to be yourself, and all your dreams will come true, and one day, you will grow up to be a big, beautiful apple tree.’
Little Apple Seed felt good listening to his mother’s words. It felt good and warm and happy. Every day Little Apple Seed would ask his brothers and sisters, ‘Do I look a bit bigger today? Did I grow a little in size from the way I was yesterday?’ And every day it would think, ‘I certainly feel a bit stronger today.’ His brothers and sisters only smiled at him as the days changed nights, and nights changed days, until one day, something happened.
One day, Mother Apple fell from the tree bumping into many pieces, turning upside down, and spinning left to right and right to left until it hit the ground with a loud thump, bounced into the air again, spun around a few more times, and crushed into a rock by the road near the pond with a cracking sound braking into two, sending little apple seeds flying all over the place.
When Little Apple Seed finally opened its eyes, it was dark all around it. It tried to call for its mother, but there was no answer. It tried to call for its brothers and sisters, but only wind could be heard somewhere up above, and many new and somehow different sounds echoed around. Little Apple Seed felt lonely and sad. It almost started to cry, when it suddenly remembered the words of its mother saying, ‘You have to be strong, and you have to be yourself… and all your dreams will come true.’ ‘I have to be strong,’ repeated Little Apple Seed in a very quiet shaky voice that sounded more like a squeak under wet and dark ground. ‘I am an apple seed, and one day, I will become a tree.’ Little Apple Seed started to repeat these words over and over, again and again – until, it fell asleep.
It fell asleep and dreamed wondrous and strange dreams. It dreamed that ground around it was freezing cold, covered with white cold blanket that sparkled under the sun and the moon with thousands different lights. It dreamed of trees without leafs and of cold angry winds singing their strange long songs. Little Apple Seed dreamed also about its brothers and sisters, and of its mother. These dreams were always pleasant and kept the seed warm. It dreamed and dreamed, and dreamed some more until, one day…
Little Apple Seed woke up! It woke up and said to itself, ‘What strange dreams I dreamed. In one of them I saw myself becoming a tree.’ Little Apple Seed started to laugh, and it opened its eyes and… in outer wonder found itself above the ground! That is, its roots were firmly planted under, with its head being way above the ground. In fact, its head was high enough to see the pond and other young apple trees around itself. Young apple trees could see the sky and the sun, hear birds and smell young green grass. There was also a wonderful aroma of an early summer morning rain. And Little Apple Seed felt good and happy, and it said to itself, ‘I don’t think I am a little apple seed anymore. Well, at least not as little as I was.’ And it smiled to itself and to everything and everyone around.
Days were changing into nights, nights were changing into days – becoming weeks. Weeks changing one another were becoming months. Months changing one another were becoming seasons. Seasons of summer were changed by autumn, and then by winter, and then by spring – becoming a year. Years were changing years and our Little Apple Seed grew, and grew, and grew some more, until one day, by the end of another summer season, it became a very big and beautiful apple tree that stood gracefully by the road, near the pond. Birds were singing in its branches-arms, and many, many big and juicy round apples grew on it. As the tree looked at itself, it couldn’t help overhearing one of the small apple seeds in one of tree’s big and round apples asking its mother, ‘Mother, is it true what my brothers and sisters are saying?’
‘And what is this they are saying, my love?’ Asked Mother Apple.
They are saying that one day, we, small apple seeds will grow up to be big, strong, and beautiful apple trees.’
‘Yes,’ said mother apple, it is quite true.’
‘Well, what do I do to become as big and beautiful as the tree we are on?’
Mother Apple smiled and replied, ‘You have to be yourself, and you have to be strong.’
The End.
***
Reversed Perspective in Orthodox Christianity.
Reversed Perspective as the key to Orthodox Christian Mysteries.
What is Reversed Perspective (RP)?
Some may know RP from studies of genuine orthodox Christian iconography. In an orthodox Christian icon, unlike religious painting, subject-Object relation is in reverse. For example: if one looks at a ‘regular’ picture, the farther subjects are from the viewer(the object) – the smaller they are. For example: the road narrows towards the horizon. In an Icon, on the other hand – it is in reverse. That is one of the reasons genuine orthodox Christian icons look a little ‘unrealistic.’ However, the icons portray and teach, in fact, the actual state of life, as oppose to how it may appear. Thus, when you look at an orthodox Christian icon Object-subject relation change places or reverse: it is not ‘you – the object’ who looks at a subject on the icon, but it is ‘you – the subject (created being),’ who humbly stand in front of the Object (Creator) Whose Image is on the icon.
RP is a very important truth in orthodox Christianity. RP is why, in orthodox Christian countries like Russia, icons are usually situated in the upper East corner of the room, and not on the flat wall. The reason comes from understanding RP: in the upper corner of the room our 3-D world (length, width, height) come to a point (dead end) – and this is where dimensions of the icon in RP – begin to broaden, open up. just like it often happens in real life.
In orthodox Christian church everything is in harmony. Thus, it would’ve been strange if the principle of RP could’ve been seen in iconography only and nowhere else. In fact, in genuine orthodox Christianity RP is everywhere and in everything.
In architecture of the church RP is manifested on many levels of which, for the sake of this short essay, we’ll only point to one, namely: inside vs. outside. Unlike many civil buildings – orthodox Christian churches are built and decorated in such a way that all the beauty, like iconography, is on the inside, while outside of the building is usually pretty plain. After all, ‘the kingdom of God is within you’ (Luke 17:21).
Again, it would’ve been strange if the principle of RP could’ve been seen in iconography and architecture only and nowhere else.
Gospel is written, in many ways, in RP. It is not a person who reads the Gospel as some sequence of events and different teaching, but God who talks to a person and transfigures his/her heart. On another level, beatitudes are written in RP. For example: ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted’ (Matthew 5:4). In the world outside the church we don’t usually consider those who ‘mourn’ or ‘poor in spirit’ blessed.
Again, it would’ve been strange if the principle of RP could’ve been seen in iconography, architecture, and the Gospel only and nowhere else.
Orthodox Christian Saints live in RP. Especially, fools for Christ. People in the world dress in beautiful clothes to hide their nakedness underneath, while fools for Christ dress in rags to cover their spiritual beauty and richness within. But not only fools for Christ live in RP. Thus, for example, we read in the troparion to st. Nicholas the Wonderworker, literally the following: ‘Because of your humble life, heaven was opened to you, Because of your poverty, spiritual riches were granted to you…’ – a perfect example of RP.
Again, it would’ve been strange if the principle of RP could’ve been seen in iconography, architecture, the Gospel, lives of saints only and nowhere else.
Prayer on many levels is in RP. For example, the way prayer is read in orthodox Christian church – monotonous chant kind of prayer, where main emphasis is on meaning as oppose to outward theatrical form of presentation. Or, the fact that prayer is not a monologue, but, a dialogue – and, as such, in prayer, according to RP, I have to learn to listen more than to talk.
Church service is done in RP. In orthodox Christian church – church services are usualy really long and sermons are short, because, according to RP, it is best to talk to God about people than to talk to people about God!
Orthodox Christian Theology is in RP. For example, the question: ‘how did you find God?’ is not in RP because God is not something along the road that one can accidently find. According to RP – I didn’t find God, but He found me! God is always the Initiator, not me.
Here is yet another important application of RP: if one wants to find out who he/she really is – he/she has to get to know God first, and not the other way around, because we were created in the image of God. Thus, the idea to know one’s self to know God is wrong due to lack of knowledge of RP!
In genuine orthodox Christianity RP is everywhere and in everything: Trees and flowers grow in RP – not narrowing towards the Sun but opening up towards the source of light as an example to us.
Genuine family life and love are in RP. For example: I don’t get married because I am in love, but, according to RP, I get married to love. Thus, according to RP, words ‘I don’t love him/her anymore, therefore we break up’ don’t make sense. The Perfect Love, according to RP, is the one on the Cross as ‘greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). Not the other way around.
Another example of RP: If you don’t love God (Mark 12:29-30) – you won’t be able to love anybody… you won’t even be able to allow yourself to be loved!!!
We as human beings are in RP on many levels. For example, man is so small compared to the whole universe; however, Whom entire universe can’t contain – man can! Holy Theotokos was carrying God in her womb; Christ walked the Earth in human body, etc. Thus it is not I, who being so small, am a part of this universe, but, according to RP, the entire universe is a part of me, as what our universe has – I have also, but Whom entire universe can’t contain – I can!
God’s providence over/about us is in RP: ‘And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.’ (Rom 8:28-30). How? Because God is above time. Therefore, He ‘foreknows and predestines’ those whose free will, later, will lean towards Him anyway.
Our orthodox Christian saints open to us the mysteries of RP by their lives. St. Seraphim of Sarov said: ‘Acquire the Spirit of Peace and thousands around you will be saved.’ That’s RP. Some hundreds years later, here in the United States, more saints proved that.
First saint (of many), whose life is a perfect example of RP is st. Herman of Alaska. Just look at his life from a point of view of a missionary to The United States and see whether it makes sense outside of the RP. One of the best orthodox Christian missionaries: didn’t speak English, lived on an island on the outskirts of the North American Continent, no printing press, no radio, no TV, neither internet nor computer, we don’t read his sermons, he fell asleep in the Lord 30 years prior to sell of Alaska to the United States of America, and, he wasn’t even a priest. The only thing he did (one thing needful) – he did acquire the Spirit of Peace and ‘thousands around him are continuing to be saved!’ That’s RP.
Second saint (of many), who has not yet been glorified as saint, is father Serafim Rose of Platina, CA. He applied RP in his life. He first had a front store shop/mission on Geary Blvd. in San Francisco in California next to a big Russian Orthodox Cathedral (1960’s) with logical idea that people would pass by and notice ‘man in black,’ walk in, ask, and, thus, get introduced to Orthodox Christianity. Dozens of people did. Then, According to RP, he moved far away into the hard-to-reach wilderness of Platina, CA (1970’s) and started to pray more in ascetic struggles acquiring the Spirit of Peace and, lo and behold, hundreds of people started to flock around him and be saved. Then, he, having acquired the Spirit of Peace, fell asleep in the Lord, and, now thousands around him are being saved. That’s RP.
To understand why orthodox Christian monks go into the wilderness, as oppose to becoming ‘social workers,’ because they love us – one has to understand RP. Thus, if I love my neighbor, I will ‘go into my room, and shut the door, and pray to my Father in secret; and my Father who sees in secret will reward openly (Matthew 6:6)’ and thousands of my friends and relatives will be saved. That is real love.
One may ask, but what about saints like st. John Chrysostom? According to RP, we are able to hear and follow st. John Chrysostom not because of what he did and/or wrote, but because of who he was – and he was/is Holy, that is, he acquired the Spirit of Peace. That’s RP.
I, myself, is an example of RP. I grew up in former Soviet Union in a family of atheists. Growing up I’ve never seen an inside or outside of a church as they were all destroyed in our town. I’ve never witnessed a prayer or saw an icon in our house. I’ve never heard a single sermon. I’ve never seen or read a Bible. The first religious book I read was Koran, the second – Bhagavadgita, third – Tao De Ching. How is it, then, that I became an orthodox Christian priest? I know. It is because someone next to me quietly acquired the Spirit of Peace. And, I, may not know his/her name or face, but am thankful to him/her as I am thankful to all who understood RP and acquired the Spirit of Peace.
Sincerely yours in Christ,
‘one of the thousands.’
***
